INTERNATIONAL DATING DO’S AND DON’TS
The information below was written by:
Bud Patterson
Vice President
A Foreign Affair
So… Another frequent and very insightful question that comes up on Monday nights asks what kinds of dating behaviors would get us in trouble with our foreign girl. It’s great that many guys intuitively know some of the expected and acceptable customs here might not go over so well in another culture. Let’s face it – those of us who will be meeting the hundreds of incredibly beautiful foreign ladies on romance tours this year will have plenty of other things to focus on without having to worry about making any wrong dating moves. It IS possible to catch your girl off guard or to offend, or leave a bad impression and therefore kill what otherwise might be a terrific day or evening together. To help you put your best foot forward when it will count the most, here are some foreign girl dating “Do’s and Don’t’s.” Most of these have been tested over time by a number of men I have previously traveled with.
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International Dating Do’s and Don’t’s # 1
DON’T DRESS LIKE A FOREIGNER. When you go out on the town with your excited but equally nervous foreign girl, try to draw as little attention to the two of you as possible. This is especially true in Russia and Ukraine. Girls from the FSU are typically quite modest and do not go out of their way to attract comments, raised eyebrows etc. Your girl will be happy the two of you are going out but will want to be together as privately as possible without whispers or impolite stares. Men have reported over the years of instances where they were asked by their girls not to speak while walking passed a group of locals. One great way to help your girl relax is to take notice what the local men are wearing – and go along with. In Russia and Ukraine you will notice right away that many men wear nothing but black and battleship grey, right down to their shoes. The exception is usually blue jeans which are commonly worn all over the world. If you have dark slacks and a neat and clean black leather jacket, bring them and wear them.
Ditto for leather shoes, but be sure they are very comfortable to walk in. Khaki pants are borderline acceptable but Hawaiian shirts and lime green golf pants are gonna freak your girl out. Unless you’re going to the opera keep it casual and conservative to help her relax. I believe the reason foreign girls are so self-conscious with us in public has much to do with a competitive jealousy many Russians and Ukrainians will display when they see someone with a foreign guy. It won’t always be noticeable to us but the ladies will see and feel the eyes of envious men and women as you walk by. These are subtle distractions but the more we can do to shield our foreign lady from them, the more fun our dates are going to be.
I’m reminded of one AFA romance tour client’s insistence on wearing a bright orange Nike jump suit on every date in Ukraine. His date would arrive a few hours late each time, obviously trying to wait until evening when he wouldn’t stand out on the street as in broad daylight.
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International Dating Do’s and Dont’s #2
DO PAY HER WAY AND FOR ANY INTERPRETERS WHO JOIN YOU. Most men would do this naturally without me pointing it out, of course, but some men do wonder if they should pay for all dates completely – and the answer is yes, absolutely. You must also pay for any admissions, dinners etc. for your interpreter (if one goes along) as well as pay her hourly rate for work. The good news is none of these will cost you a whole lot. Even in these times the dollar goes a long way abroad. Guys, your one rule of thumb in any situation thoughout this whole experience, is simply do what gentlemen would do.
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International Dating Do’s and Dont’s #3
DON’T EXPECT AMERICAN STYLE CUSTOMER SERVICE EVERYWHERE YOU GO. The emergence of Western style capitalism in the Former FSU hasn’t brought along with it the kind of customer appreciation and service we take for granted here in America. So if your waiter in Kiev doesn’t get your salads out before the main course or if you experience any other breach of service – don’t expect a huge amount of sympathy from the establishment. The American inclination to raise your voice or speak your displeasure will really, REALLY embarrass your foreign girl. Just do your best to deal pleasantly with any service disappointments and your girl will give you all the credit for showing restraint.
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International Dating Do’s and Dont’s #4
DO LET HER CHOOSE THE VENUE. Despite the risk that she’ll choose a 5 star restaurant for a meal that will cost you a couple of bills, it’s probably best to let her choose a dinner venue once you’ve established she’s a sincere lady. This is an excellent test to see if she goes all out or shows some consideration for you by choosing a modest, traditional restaurant with native cuisine for you to try. If you set dinner up a day in advance you can run the venue by the tour staff for their impressions. If they raise their eyebrows over her selection you can choose another yourself. Most of the time, you’ll be very pleasantly surprised. Your first date, under any circumstances, should be a simple cup of coffee or small meal or wine at a hotel bar or local cafe. And guys I’m sorry to say it but – the more over 25 the lady is, the less likely you’ll run into the “French Restaurant and $300 Interpreter Scam” on a first date.
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International Dating Do’s and Dont’s #5
DO TAKE HER SOME FLOWERS FOR THAT FIRST DATE. It’s still quite common that men bring their ladies some flowers for that first date. This is one of the reasons you’ll see flower stands in the many metro stations – a common meeting place for couples. You needn’t buy many, as she will be carrying them along with her for the evening, 3 or 5 are fine – but always an odd number if your dating in Russia or Ukraine. Remember that even numbered flowers are considered bad luck.
More international dating do’s and don’ts in our next newsletter!
Bud Patterson
www.loveme.com